


Letting Go

by im_the_king_of_the_ocean



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 14:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16855678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/im_the_king_of_the_ocean
Summary: Walter contemplates his future options when it comes to Barbara.Or, a character study into the way Walter Strickler thinks.





	Letting Go

Strickler had never been in the Domzalski house before.Not that he’d ever had interest.Of all his students, young Tobias never stood out, as either especially brilliant or in need of extra assistance.He was only really there tonight because, well, because he was bored and there was a good chance Barbara would be in attendance at the dinner.Otherwise he wouldn’t have bothered.

So far, it had gone decently enough.The food was good and he had to admit the Mrs. Domzalski, the Nunezes, and Detective Scott made for, at the very least, entertaining company.They beat being alone in his apartment with the knowledge that Scaarbach was dead and Nomura on her way to New Jersey.Not that Strickler had ever grown to care for his fellow changelings, but their companionship was, at times, rather nice.

He took a sip of his drink without really tasting it and tried to catch Barbara’s eye, but she was either too deep in her conversation with Javier Nunez to notice or was downright ignoring him.Strickler couldn’t be certain which.They’d gotten along amiably since the Eternal Night, but, whereas he wanted to go back to the way things had been _before_ between them, she had, well, she had made it clear she thought of him as a good friend.A shoulder to lean on when she struggled with troll-related matters at best.

A part of him understood that.Anyone else with the knowledge or explanations Barbara needed was on their way to New Jersey.Yet, a part of him was internally at war about how it was apparently _his_ role to make _trolls_ more _comprehensible_ to _her._

Strickler didn’t _hate_ trolls necessarily.But, after centuries of being despised by them for what was essentially his _nature_ , he didn’t exactly harbor that much good will toward them.He didn’t _blame_ Barbara for wanting to know more about the world her son had gone into, but the idea of her _knowing._ Bothered him.

Would the word _impure_ ever leave her lips if she learned of it, if she learned of the history of what trollkind thought of changelings?Sure, she still loved Jim after his transformation, but a familial tie like that was strong.It wouldn’t be like her to dramatically change how she felt about her son.But then, Jim wasn’t a true changeling either.

Strickler took another sip of his drink to appear busy while his thoughts swirled.His gaze fell on Barbara again.

_I_ can keep you safe, he spoke to her in his head. _I_ can keep you protected. _I_ can provide you with everything you need.You have no need to know anything more.You love your son regardless of his new troll nature.What use is more knowledge on them for you now?You don’t need it.You have _me_.They’re _gone_.I’m _here_.Why do you care so much about _them_?

_Will you come to hate me the more you know about them and they way they think of me?_

On the one hand, Strickler doubted it.It seemed unlikely given Barbara’s nature.On the other, she was _his_.Not _theirs_.Or had been.Once.The one good thing he’d had going in his life.That wasn’t part of a greater plan.At least not in the end.The beginning, was, yes, unfortunate.But his _fondness_ for her had been genuine by the time things…

_That_ wasn’t _his_ fault.IfJim had never _stolen_ _the ring_ , _that_ never would have happened.She never would have found out.His plans would have _worked_.

He was fooling himself.He knew that.He did. As he had once told Morgana herself, a stolen heart would never truly be his.Neither would a deceived heart.

_She doesn’t hold what you are against you,_ a small voice whispered. _But she doesn’t forgive you for what you’ve done either_.

That was the truth of it, wasn’t it?Barbara required him and while she did, they were on amiable terms.If she no longer needed him, that could change.Because…well, she had every right to still be mad about what had transpired _before._ Even if _before_ wasn’t _now_.Even if _greater_ things had happened since then.Things that should have drawn her _anger_ away.He’d apologized, hadn’t he?He was trying to do _better_.He had changed sides for Gunmar’s sake!What _more_ did she need from him?Why couldn’t she just _love_ him again?

Because he loved her.Her warmth.Her cleverness.The way she made him feel.

But if he tried to _control_ her.To push the outcome he wanted.To be secure of a future together with her.

Strickler had always controlled _everything_.It was how he survived so long.How he remained in power at the top of the Janus Order.

She was something he couldn’t control.And if he tried to find a way to control her again.To be certain, _secure,_ of their future’s outcome?

He’d declined the one chance he’d been given for that.Said _no_ when it would have been so easy to just give in.It would break her, he knew that.Hurt her.Twist her into something far removed from what she was. 

Not that it was likely Morgana would have held up her end of that agreement anyway.

But, if he trusted Barbara, he may never have what he once had with her again.He would have to accept the possibility of _letting her go_.

He wasn’t sure he could do that.


End file.
